Ambivalence: A Series of Self-Portraits

Ambivalence is a series of self-portraits created in 2013. The series explores anxiety, identity and an indeterminate sense of self. The photographs visually express how the mental state of ambivalence makes me feel anxious and uncertain about who I am. I did this by depicting myself in motion blur amongst different landscapes, such as forests and lakes. The depiction of nature adds an emotional element to the photographs. Forests represent a place of wandering, searching, and feeling lost. The lack of a horizon on the lake represents an unclear future, and the element of water represents identity. These landscapes are in focus while I am not. This represents how my ambivalence isn't felt towards the world but instead towards my sense of identity and purpose in it.

Personal note:

My feelings of ambivalence arose from the pressure to conform to dominant systems that do not support my unique spirit and way of being. Although I have now found my purpose, and do not feel ambivalent about my place in the world anymore, I hope this series encourages others to deeply look at their feelings of anxiety around identity and sense of self. May self-discovery help you find your purpose in this world.